She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Every concussion has its silver lining
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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