I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
