Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
