i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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