The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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