so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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