two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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