the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
