yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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