I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
