Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
