There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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