Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
