Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
