His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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