Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
