absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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