Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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