so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
