i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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