she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
