Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
