Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
