If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
