I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
