I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
