Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
