dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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