im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
