I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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