i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
