I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
