So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
