Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
