We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
pop tarts are not kleenex
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
