Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
