He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
