He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
