Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
