i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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