She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
