In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
