4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
