Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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