I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
