If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
