The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
