Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
