Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
