I hate your face
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
